There is an old story that tells of a businessman in ancient times from the Land of Israel who was accused of being spy. After being condemned to the death the man requests 30 days to return home to put his affairs in order and to say goodbye to his family. The judge laughed at the ridiculous request. The man responds that he has a friend who will stay in jail in his place until he comes back-and if he doesn’t come back, his friend will die in his place. This, the judge had to see. So they sent for the friend. Sure enough, he agrees to stand bond in place of his friend. The businessman returns home, puts his affairs in order, says goodbye to his family and returns with plenty of time to spare. Unfortunately, there is a storm at sea and he is delayed. He arrived shortly before the time he was to be executed. The man runs to the town square where his friend is already at the gallows. He screams, “No, wait! It is I who is to be executed!” A yell comes back, “No, you’re too late!” Such a commotion was created and confusion ensued so the king called for the two men to be brought before him. Each presents his case and then they begin to argue with each other about who is to be executed. Finally, the king stops them and says, “I will pardon you both on one condition-that you make me a third friend!”

  According to common wisdom we are very lucky if we come through life with one true friend. What is the essence of friendship? A true friend is always there for you. The Hebrew word for friend is “chaver” from the root which means “attached, joined”. A true friend is someone whose love is unconditional, who will be there for you always. The very foundation of friendship is loyalty. A true friend will help you grow as a human being. S/he cares enough about you to tell you when you are wrong, but s/he does it in a loving way so it can be heard.

How does one make a true friend? You must choose very carefully. You wouldn’t choose a surgeon just because s/he’s a nice person. Know what traits you want in a friend and invest your time cautiously until you are sure this person is indeed loyal to you. Also, to get a friend is to be a friend. Friendship does take the investment of giving the best of yourself to others.

Now that the High Holy Days are behind us, our accounting of ourselves is up to date. We start anew having forgiven those who have hurt us and promising ourselves to be better people as well. The slate is clean and ready for friendships, old and new. And remember, the best vitamin for acquiring a friend is B1!

B’shalom-

Rabbi Rhonda Nebel